"Do you know we are above the Mason Dixon Line?"
Are y'all really....
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Today I had a phone interview with a school in Indiana. The first question that was asked:
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The stories.
Any person that works in University Housing can tell you, hands down, the stories are the best part of your work. You just cannot make it up. Case in point...
Last night, after leaving the drunkfest in 5 Points, it was reported a resident had a credit card stuck up his butt and was sent to the emergency room after, unsuccessfully, trying to remove the foreign object. I will not provide any further details...as they are even more disturbing.
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As you know, I am the hall director for a 480-bed freshman residence hall. I take great pride in the fact that my building, consisting of a 70% male population, consistently wins the award for most alcohol and policy violations. We have become total BFF with the university's judicial office. Anywho, my latest story can be found below:
While in class, soaking up all of the benefits of education and the legal system as it relates to higher ed, rocking on the edge of my seat in angst of what the teacher had to teach me next, I received a text from my supervisor that read like so:
"Oh, remind me to tell you about "pee boy" coming to look for us in the office to talk to us."
Your first question must be, "Oh, you have an office?" Why yes I do, is my answer. I have my very own office with a floor to ceiling window. Your second question may revolve around the fact that the term "pee boy" was used to describe a resident who came searching for me while I was out.
You may be wondering how I could work with a student that has such a nickname (given by us of course) and how sad it must be that this 18/19-year-old has a urinary problem (no, it is not a bed wetting problem, so don't feel sorry for him). This is where it gets sad. I quickly replied after chuckling to myself:
"Which one?"
You read that correctly. I had to ask...because we have more than one. For some unexplainable reason, it is easy for some students to mistake the building's lobby or their roommate's side of the room for a white, shiny toilet bowl. Oh, the joys of working in housing...
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Please wipe the tears from your eyes so you can read my first post in quite some time, as I apparently decided I needed a hiatus from this award winning piece of work (I gave it my own award). With 106 days left until I graduate from the University of South Carolina, I have decided I need to pick my bloggyness back up, because let me tell you, my job has definitely provided me a bevy (thank you grad school vocab) of stories that I need to record. You will be welcomed back into my life of grad school...you.are.welcome.
My final semester will be a hectic one. My supervisor has been promoted, leaving me to run my lil nugget of a building and all the 480 lil freshies on my own. I also have a great opportunity to work with the Greek Life office again this semester and also work with the Leadership office. I am thrilled about my new involvement...if only that little class thing wouldn't get in the way!
This semester also brings the program's Comps, everyone's favorite part of year (sorry, let me grab a rag to clean up those drips of sarcasm). February 19th will be the day that decides if I actually graduate the program with a fun comprehensive exam. Study groups have been formed. Flash cards have been made. Hairs have already been pulled from scalps. Team names have been decided. But most importantly: the group t-shirt is still underway. My team has chosen to keep our team name and t-shirt under wraps until Feb 19th...it adds a sense of mystery and curiosity, right?
Someone told me that I finally have to find a grown up job for when I graduate. So I guess I will be searching high and low for that...since la madre (keep up, I am obvi bi-lingual and that was Spanish for mother) has already informed me I will not be bumming on their couch because McDonald's is always hiring. Tough crowd. I will mainly be searching for jobs in the areas of fraternity/sorority affairs and first-year experience/new student orientation...the south, the west, the northeast..my options are pretty open!
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I moved into my apartment on Thursday, July 23rd. I immediately noticed I was not able to access the internet...or use the phone in my room (which is supposed to be for University Housing purposes...but I want it to hook TiVo up to) as the jacks were not working properly. I immediately told my supervisor's supervisor so the problem would be fixed immediately. He requested a work order for the problem to be resolved. Two weeks go by and still no internet or phone. I am starting to get upset I do not have these necessities (being the internet...and tivo). I decide to take matters into my own hands and give the maintenance staff a call "Hi, This is Josh McKenzie the Columbia Hall ARLC. I am calling to check on the status off my work order.....oh, you'll send someone up there immediately?....Thanks." I get to my room later that day after the worker has come and gone- which I am able conclude based on the door hanger on my door knob that says "We've Been Here!" The hanger says the problem has been fixed and lists what has been wrong with the jacks causing me to have no access to the outside world from my computer for 2 weeks. What is written under this portion you might ask? It reads, "Your phone was plugged into the internet jack." A mere two weeks earlier, at the beginning of this debacle, I scoffed at one of my friends who asked if the cords were plugged into the right jacks. "I'm not stupid," I quickly snapped.
I am now reevaluating that...
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So I have decided to be adventurous and register for a little something something called the Mudrun, sponsored by the United States Marine Corp. Notice who it is sponsored by again. I have signed a death sentence. I was randomly thrown on a team last weekend (a team consists of four people...3 other friends from the program)...just in time to prepare for the race on September 19. The mudrun is 4.2 miles of treacherous terrain, obstacles, and pure insanity. Just to get an idea of what this little thing I am attempting to train for is, the course description is below. You may cry for me.
The obstacles in the USMC Ultimate Mud Run are named for battles, places and items that are significant in Marine Corps history and lore. Distances are approximate since the route of the course may be changed slightly from year to year.
Start - 0.15 mi of flat, open terrain
1- Belleau Wood- 0.46 mi wooded terrain, with 3 sets of 6-10' rolling hills, 2 sets of "stairway to heaven" ladder climbs, and five 6-9' drop offs.
The Marines were first called Devil Dog (Teufelshunde) by the German soldiers of WWI, during the Battle of Belleau Wood in 1918. It is also where Dan Daly made his now-famous battle cry, "Come on, you sons of bitches, do you want to live forever?" Sergeant Major Daly is one of only two Marines to receive the Medal of Honor for two separate acts of heroism (Major General Smedley Butler is the other).
2- Mt. Suribachi- 45% incline, 90' long.
Mt. Suribachi, on Iwo Jima, is where AP photographer, Joe Rosenthal, took one of the most famous photographs of WWII. The photo of 5 Marines and a Navy Corpsman raising the U.S. flag was taken atop Mt. Suribachi on 23 February 1945.
Funchilin Pass (includes obstacles 3, 4, 5, & 6- 0.75 mi of wooded terrain, 10 culvert obstacles, 2 sets of "stairway to heaven" ladder climbs, 7-15' high, mud hole with fallen log obstacles.
Funchilin Pass is a 4,000' high pass, which was held by Colonel Chesty Puller and his Marines, during the Battle of the Chosin Reservoir (known as the "Frozen Chosin" for the extreme cold) during the Korean War.
7- Water obstacle with fallen logs- logs over water hole, participants go under logs.
Bunker Hill (includes obstacles 8 & 9- 0.17 mi, 20% incline with 9 plateaus (#8), 3 sets of culverts (#9).
The Battle of Bunker Hill took place on 17 June 1775 as part of the Siege of Boston, during the American Revolutionary War. It is where Colonel William Prescott is known as the officer who said, "Don't fire until you see the whites of their eyes!"
10- Heartbreak Ridge- 0.27 mi. ridge terrain, 5 sets of 6-8' zigzag ridge crossings.
Heartbreak Ridge is a fictional movie about Marine Gunnery Sergeant Highway (played by Clint Eastwood). The actual Battle of Heartbreak Ridge was fought during the Korean War by the Army's 2nd Infantry Division.
A Shau Valley (includes obstacles 11, 12 & 13)- 0.40 mi open terrain leading into wooded terrain, water filled "rice paddy" (#11), Hamburger Hill water hole (up to 5' deep) with dirt mounds leading in to and out of (#12), Light Armored Vehicle Trench (LAVs straddle 3' wide trench filled with water, participants crawl through the trench, under the LAVs) (#13).
The narrow, 25 mile long, A Shau Valley was one of the strategic focal points of the war in Vietnam. It was an arm of the Ho Chi Minh trail, funneling troops and supplies toward Hue and Da Nang. It was the sight of many fierce battles, including one of the bloodiest, which was the fight for Hill 937. To those that fought there, it was known as "Hamburger Hill." The LAV is the armored fighting vehicle around which a Marine Corps Light Armored Reconnaissance (LAR) Battalion is built. Fox Company is part of the 4th LAR Bn., 4th Mar Div (Marine Division).
Ho Chi Minh Trail (obstacles 14-21- 1 mi, wooded terrain, "Monkey Bridge" (#14), mud pit with rope wall (#15), rope swing (#16), log crossing (#17), culverts (#18), 10' vertical walls (#19), cargo net climb (#20), culverts (#21).
The Ho Chi Minh Trail was a complex web of different jungle paths that enabled communist troops and supplies to be moved from North Vietnam to areas close to Saigon. It was the most vital supply line for the Communist forces and was, therefore, of vital strategic importance. Many U.S. servicemen from all branches fought, bled and died there.
22- "Heartattack Hill"- 0.25 mi, 30% incline
23- Rice Paddy- water filled
24- Perfume River- 40' low crawl/swim covered with cammie netting, dirt mound leading in to and out of.
The Perfume River (called Huong River in Vietnam) is a 30 km long river leading to the c ity of Hue, in the central Vietnamese province of Thua Thiên Hue.
25- Hellfire Valley- 5 hills (8-15')
Hellfire Valley was a strategic battle during the Korean War.
26- Pusan Perimeter- "Z" shaped trench, varying depth, water filled
The Battle of the Pusan Perimeter, during the Korean War, was a textbook example of teamwork and its use in infantry tactics. It is still used as a case study today.
27- 10 Log Hole- water hole, with 10 fallen logs, must be negotiated in an over/under manner.
28- Rice Paddy & Low Crawl- 24' Rice Paddy, 24' low crawl covered in "cammie netting"
Rice Paddies dotted the landscape of Vietnam, making the movement of men and material difficult. The Low Crawl is a tactic used for movement under enemy fire.
29- Litter Carry- 100 yards, Three team members carry the fourth team member on a stretcher over the FINISH line.
U.S. Navy Corpsmen are non-combatant combat medics that risk their lives to save the lives of injured Marines. They have been in every battle in which Marines have fought since 1814.
Finish
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My Supervisor: "I like your haircut. You look like a commercial."
Me: "Commercial? What commercial?"
Supervisor: "A peanut butter & jelly commercial."
