The Life of Forrest Gump

I am now reevaluating that...

Me: "Commercial? What commercial?"

Supervisor: "A peanut butter & jelly commercial."

OK, well not the very beginning as that would be much to long of a post for you to read. Last Friday was the final SOAR session. Now this little shin dig was only a one-day orientation since it was only for our lovely transfer students. This was a sad, sad day for us all. The day carried on as usual, with parents bringing all kinds of crazy with their questions until approximately 10:58 am. One of the orientation leaders had been "accused" of "dirty rushing" an organization in which he is president. Another complaint was submitted at 10:57 that day. Being the budding young professional that I am, I decided to lay aside my fear of confrontation and take the bull by the horns (and by bull I mean the 20 year old human male). I marched up the grandeur staircase of the student union building toward the guilty party. Aha! I caught him red handed, in the act of "recruiting." I pulled him aside and told him that we were taking a walk. I ask him about his desire to make friends for his organization and why he's breaking the SOAR laws etc etc. Now, we are entering the portion of the story that you must brace yourself for.

Another reason I needed to have a nice lil chit chat with this dude is because he had, for some unearthly reason, decided to tell some other orientation leaders he had a conversation with me where I blatantly told him I hated him. Now I know I am finally moving out of my "fear of confrontation" stage...but I have not moved that far...and thats just downright mean. As we all know, I have a horrible memory. I turned to the overactive leader and stated "Now, you know I have a horrible memory so please remind me when we had a conversation where I, in fact, told you I hated you." He dramatically gasped and said, "We never had that conversation!" "I know," I replied. "I know we never had that conversation, so my question concerns why you are spreading that to other leaders?" This is the point of the story where I refer back to my opening sentences concerning the crying. Again, it was not me who cried that day, it was him. Yes, I, Josh McKenzie, made a person cry. I try to hold back my intimidating demeanor for most interactions, but for this scenario (apparently) just color me green and call me Hulk. If the conversation wasn't awkward enough before with just the whole confrontation, it is even more awk while I still have to lay down some good ole discipline while looking into the eyes of a sobbing college male. I have decided he cried on his own right by stirring up his own emotions during our chat....that does not change the fact, however, that I made a leader cry during our final session. The tears that streamed from his face must have also clogged his ears, because I soon as I return from lunch after that little fun party I hear what he has told everyone else I said to him. Needless to say, our convo about not making up conversations with me and spreading them to the team did not pan out that great.

That night was the closing SOAR banquet. Everyone was dressed to the 9's (apparently I am a 62 year-old man). We ate some din din, gave some awards (I got Best Facial Expressions?), and got presents! One of the presents I got from the staff was a huge board made to look like a Twitter page, filled with comments by ever leader: so cool! Story after story is told and voila, the banquet that started at 6:30 ended at 4am. In short, it was a great way to end an even better summer! (minus the whole crying scenario)

So, I recently received one of the thousand daily emails over the NODA listserv (National Orientation Directors Assoc). The particular one I am referring to was from a Ms. Samantha Hartlen. Now my little brain starts to church, as I believe this name sounds extremely familiar. Of course to check my possible relationship status with this lady I head straight to the wonderful world of Facebook. I quickly type in the name and up pops a return. A graduate of Suffolk University. I think to myself, "Wait, I think I know..." I click on her profile picture to gain confirmation of how I know this woman. Her face pops up and my confirmation is received. This is, in fact, the girl I was talking with during our GA Recruiting weekend when my gum magically fell out of my mouth in mid-conversation and onto her shoe. Did I mention this was the very first event the potential students attend during the recruiting weekend? I am glad this memory came rushing back as I am now even more excited to get back to South Carolina and greet her with open arms in the coming weeks...

SOAR LEADER: He just turned 23, ma'am.

PARENT: OH......he looks 12.

SOAR LEADER: Don't tell him that. We don't want him getting a big head.

PARENT: Oh no, I really mean it! (pause) Actually, you do have a big head.

I would like to tell you about my day yesterday. It was an interesting day...and by interesting day, I mean I am glad it was yesterday and already done. It was the Mid-summer SOAR Leader Retreat. I was responsible for planning and organizing this whole shin dig. The only parameters I was given was to have an "educational component" in the morning then funness in the afternoon. So, I chose beautiful Hilton Head. We were to go to a pottery painting studio for everyone to paint a tile after they reflected on how they had grown as a person and as a leader- they then had to artistically express that progression on their tile then present it to the group (they will get them back at the end of the summer banquet presented as one huge tile showing how everyone has been tied together during the summer, but then tell how it is now time to take their experiences and what they have learned to keep growing and take their new knowledge into their respective futures- their tiles will then be handed back to them). We were scheduled to eat at a burger-ish place called One Hot Mama's and then they were given 4 options for the afternoon, including the beach, outlet mall, movies, and mini golf. I had everything nicely planned and organized....I will now tell you how it really went. I had to drive a 12 passenger van (Erin drove the other). If you remember who I am, you remember I am not a good driver. Also, do not think I did not tell all the people in my van to buckle up because most highway accidents that occur every year happen in 12-passenger vans. I had printed out a whole book of mapquest directions for Erin and I, but I told her I could lead from Statesboro to The Art Cafe (pottery place) in Hilton Head because I had Kevin (the GPS). Well, it is a possibility that Erin thought I was under the influence yesterday morning, as I was swerving all over the lanes. Huge vans are hard to maneuver...especially when you are trying to bond with 1/2 the orientation team by singing Spice Girls' Do You Wannna Be My Lover at the top of your lungs. One example, I swerved across 2 lanes on the interstate to get off at one of the exits...I thought Kevin was telling me I still had a while to go. The Art Cafe is located at 1 North Forest Beach Dr. Kevin took us to 1 North Forest Dr. Those two streets are not the same. It was 15 minutes away from our location...so we entered the island on the wrong side. We put the correct address in Kevin, and I felt pretty ok about only getting there 10 minutes late. But Kevin was trying to take us down roads that did not exist...and the Joan look alike (that was for you, cousin) could not have gone down dirt paths through the woods. There was a lot of turning around and backing up. This does not pair well with 20 college students and a supervisor. We finally made it to The Art Cafe...30 minutes late. I had a slight break down in the van after I pushed everyone out. The rest of the day went..ok. We ate at One Hot Mama's. There was a waitress there who was a SOAR Leader in 1995, which was a great experience for our team, showing them that they can be whatever they want to be after they graduate b/c of their experience with SOAR. We then headed to the beach. A few people wanted to go putt putt instead, so I took them to mini golf, dropped them off and proceeded to head back to the beach. As I am climbing out of the van and walking toward the direction of surf and sand, i receive a voicemail (my great phone decided to not actually ring). I check the voicemail. It was left by one of the SOAR Leaders I had just dropped off. She sounded frantic...and out of breath. "Josh! (panting) You are not answering your phone. They only accept (panting) cash. I just literally chased you down the road. I was running next to the van and you did NOT stop.(panting) JOSH, you did not stop. Ok, so ya know, when you get this you can call me back. bye (panting)" It was a pretty great voicemail. I stayed at the beach the whole time while half the group went to the outlet mall. I saw a real live starfish and live sand dollars. That was my beach excitement. Skip to us meeting the other van of peeps at the outlet mall so we can head back home. Kevin, once again, tells me the most difficult way possible to get to the outlet mall. He asks if I want to take the toll road to the mall. I press no so I will not have to hit up the students for $1.25. Well, as we are coming onto the toll bridge, I start to get angry with kevin for not doing what I say. So out loud I say to the students "Why did Kevin do this. (I repeat back the question he asked me) 'Do you want to avoid the toll roads?' I said NO......ohhhhhhh...." So after all of the SOAR Leaders stopped laughing at me for being a huge dumbass....they then took up a church offering of $1.25. Afterwards, Kevin makes me cut across a highway of high speed traffic AFTER we pass the mall. Well, I decide to cut across, which causes all of the people in the van to start screaming uncontrollably, as I narrowly missed being sideswiped by an oncoming van (not like the Joan impostor we were in...I mean a mini-van). Anywho, we get the rest of the group and I tell Erin she can lead the way back to good ole Statesboro. On the way back, we listen to Erin's mix cd from her freshmen year of college. Think 2001ish hardcore rap music. It was interesting. That was the end of the trip. All in all i think they all had a good day...it, however, could have gone smoother.

So, this summer I am interning with orientation at Georgia Southern University in the metropolis of Statesboro, GA. I have had the privelege of major professional development experiences over the past seven weeks- I categorize it as professional development because I wear a suit a lot, and that makes me look pretty important (and just down right snazzy). Tell me who else can answer questions about who knows what to a university I have been at for approx 2 weeks (at the beginning of the orientation sessions) while hustling across the gorgeous south Georgia weather of 116 degrees (heat index)? Well let me raise two thumbs, because that's this guy. Ok, so now to my real story...

Last week was a special orientation for a certain population of student (I will not explain the population because I don't want you to have to slave over reading this. You're welcome.)...needless to say, we had 1200 students and parents for the Friday-Saturday session. On Thursday, we opened the Rec center for all of our little peeps to come check-in with us at the front of the building, then move to another part of the building to pick up housing keys, make their IDs, fin aid, blah blah blah. Well, at approx 4:27 pm, a mother and daughter duo walk into our lavish recreational activity center (that is not sarcasm, btw- its a pretty sweet set-up) to check-in for SOAR. With an aura of excitment and a giddy pep in her step the daughter proceeds to the back of the building to our other services. The mom, however, turns around to walk back out of the building toward the parking lot. Let me tell you my placement during this series of events: front and center gretting people as they enter. The mother re-enters the building rushing back to meet her daughter as she is carrying a hamster cage. No, you did not read the incorrectly, I infact did say she was carrying a hamster cage. And not just a dingy one at that, it was the Deluxe version with tunnels, wheels, a nice little pent house sitting on top...the whole shebang basically. One of the professionals walked up to the mother to hault her from moving any farther into the building. "Excuse me ma'am...no animals are allowed inside the building." The mother says she did not want to leave them in the weather (I am not sure why as it was only 101 degrees at the time). As if it were completely normal that she brought a hamster cage (with live hamsters in it) to orientation, the professional told the woman to lay the cage on a table in the front and to retrieve it after her and her daughter were finished with all the good stuff in the back. Once the woman walked away from the area, my supervisor became extremely excited to go look at the 2 hamsters. She runs over to see them run in their tunnels and what have you. After approximately 15 seconds, she looks up from the cage to announce that the hamsters were, in fact, dead. Both hamsters...not a single breath left in their little lungs. She has someone come over to confirm. They really are two dead hamsters in the middle of the cage. Now I was told rigamortas had not set-in at this point...but who knows.

Well, this information leaks to all of the orientation leaders that are present at the time. Most of them look and gasp, a few laugh (at this point I am uncontrollably laughing...crying laughing), while one of our leaders had started to cry. She's just a sweet lil girl. So the mother daughter duo finally come back to the front of the building after what seems like an eternity. Everyone has scampered away from the lobby area as they do not want to be blamed for the death of two adorable (sarcasm, btw) hamsters. The daughter immediately notices her pets have kicked the can....and our orientation leader that was crying earlier..well she is now sobbing, with mascera running down her face. Needless to say she was hiding on the other side of a wall so she would not be noticed. I am intentionally standing on the opposite side of a rather large column crying...not from sadness, but from laughter due to the ridiculousness of the entire event. The family leaves...with a little less pep in their step than when they entered.

You think the story ends there, well it doesn't. There is a prequel you should also know about. Your thoughts are the hamsters died of heat exhaustion since they were left inside of a car for 10ish minutes in 100+ degree heat, right? Well, you are wrong. I find out the next day the real reason they most likely died. The van the hamster-killing duo rode in on the way down from Atlanta did not have air conditioning. Now they feel so bad for these little creatures who are not receiving the proper amount of ventilation. Solution: hold the entire hamster cage outside of the window as they are driving 70mph down the interstate. My theory: they died of either shock...or over inflated lungs. Poor poor little creatures.

Ok, that is the end of my extremely long story. Hope you're having a great summer. Happy Wednesday!

During the academic year, I was not the most satisfied with my assistantship experience. I was beginning to question my chosen profession. Luckily, the past two weeks alone have squashed those little dissatisfactions! Not only are the SOAR leaders awesome, the professionals are too. My supervisor is an alum of the HESA program at South Carolina (she graduated in 2007) and has provided me with a great experience thus far. She actually announced her promotion from Coordinator to Assistant Director of Orientation and Parent Programs the day after I arrived in the 'boro...so a search will soon be occurring for the Coordinator position (it made me feel great to "accidentally" overhear a conversation between her and her supervisor saying it was too bad I still had another year of school left...and her suggesting it is not uncommon for students to do grad school from afar...). The orientation office falls under Admissions at GSU...and all of the Admissions recruiters and Admissions staff have been extremely welcoming and friendly over the past few weeks. Although, one decided to tell me I look like the 4th Jonas Brother (which reminded I had been compared to David Archuleto by a parent at Orientation last summer and compared to Zach Efron the summer before. Awesome). There is also a girl two years ahead of me who graduated from MTSU, the HESA program at South Carolina, and works in the Leadership office at Georgia Southern...so I apparently am stalking her. Crazy.

The SOAR Leaders (Orientation Leaders) have to be my favorite part of my internship. SOAR is a very well respected office on campus and recruit the best of the best for the SOAR Leader positions. There are 23 (21 new timers, and 2 returners who are "in charge"), all amazing. I have been in training with them for the past two weeks...and will be training this week as well...then its our first session on June 1! They even made this awesome video...a parody of "Im on a Boat" to talk about their Bus system, "Im on a Bus":

http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=1106192571398&ref=share

I was able to get back to Columbia for a night to hang out with some peeps during this long weekend. But anywho, its a full week ahead, so Im outta here!

I feel comfortable saying that California is NOT the South. Its a true fact of life, like dogs don't like cats, or rain is wet, or Lindsay Lohan is crazy.

I leave for California on Tuesday morning to intern at the Western Region Greek Association Leadership Conference...that's a lot of words. Anywho, I am still unsure of my schedule and what I will and will not see, but I have a fun little Twitter account so I can upload info and pics from my phone. So get ready and get jazzed to be tweeted. If my updates have a link attached to them- click on it because those are the pics. 

Click HERE for a twitterific good time.

"Cheerleading camp on crack." There is no better way to describe it. Well maybe Cheerleading Camp on heroine....but I'm not really sure of the affects of heroine. Mom, do you know? Anywho, it was an awesome weekend! I met up with the SOAR team (the orientation team) at Georgia Southern last Thursday and traveled with them to Ole Miss for the conference. Man, they're an amazing group. Nearly as amazing as me, but we won't get into that debate at this moment in time. The 9 hour bus ride was just that....9 hours. And let me tell you, 9 hours is a long time. It's way longer than 5 hours.

Thursday we arrived at the majestic Holiday Inn of Oxford, MS. The hotel must have decided to go with an African inspired lobby. And by African inspired, I mean they randomly had three stuffed lions in glass cases in the middle of the lobby. No hint of Africanness anywhere else. It is my guess they got the lions from the zoo down the road and stuffed them...that's not too morbid, is it? We arrived to the jungle late late Thursday night...so we went to b

ed. Yes, I know that is a good story- I'll tell it again later.

Friday morning we walked around the square of Oxford. Great southern square. Afterwards began SROW. And let me tell you it was the beginning of a SROWtally awesome weekend. The first event was a sticker swap for all the undergrads. See, now when I heard there was going to be a sticker swap- I packed my personal sticker album of Lisa Frank and scratch-n-sniff stickers...but that was apparently not the right thing to do. The 1400 students in attendance crammed themselves into the Rec Center gym and went crazy, slappin their school's stickers on various spots of peoples' bodies (and by various, I mean everywhere....everywhere) to the beats of sweet lil T.I. and Soulja Boy. The picture explains it all. That night was the Sing/Skit/Dance Competition. Let me tell you, this was not taken lightly. Schools have been practicing their stuff for months. And I don't want to sound biased, but Georgia Southern's was the best. They ended up winning Third place. Yayy! The video is their performance.

Saturday was mostly educational sessions. There was some good. There was some really bad. But all...interesting. The theme of the conference was "Once upon a SROW..." so it was all fairytale/Disney themed, which was also....interesting. I participated in the Graduate Case Study Competition and actually ended up winning! Best Communication!! So that was SROW exciting.

There was a closing award ceremony on Sunday...and I have to take a second to brag on Georgia Southern. They won more awards than any other school in attendance- and there were schools from all over the Southeast (yes, even U. of Alabama). They won the Service Project, 3rd in Dance Competition, 1st place in the SCVNGR Hunt, Me with the Grad Case Study, and my supervisors won the Best Presentation of the conference! So it was pretty cool to see GSU doing so well.

They have such a top notch program and their orientation leaders are just simply the best of the best on campus. I cannot wait to work with them this summer!

But now, its back to the grind (what does that actually mean? What grind am I getting back to?). School work and grad asst work is no fun. But I counted today and I only have 39 days until the last day of classes. Which I am not sure if that is a good or bad thing. I have a ton of stuff to do until then. Boo. Simply, Boo.

I am also beginning my countdown to San Francisco: 12 Days.

I started a Twitter account (if you haven't heard about it, google it) last week. So I will include a link to my Twitter site so you can see all my Tweets (yeah, thats right, my Tweets=my updates) while I am in San Fran. I'll just be uploading what I am doing, what I've seen, and pictures from my phone...yes, I am such an innovator of communication. HA

And by shiny and bright, I mean my life. Oh, I keed I keed. But, the graduate life is going swell. Just swell. Let me tell ya though, this second semester is not the easiest. 12 hours of time-draining classes and 20 hours of GA work is a little much. But who am I to complain. 

Right now, the weather is a sunny 85 degrees and the first official day of Spring Break. So, I may not be spending it on the beach livin it up in PCB (uh, yeah right) but its still nice outside. Days like today are reasons I heart USC (again, University of South Carolina..not that OTHER one). 

In case you haven't heard, I have accepted an internship at Georgia Southern University for this summer working with freshman orientation. woop woop. im excited to be working with them. I am actually heading to Ole Miss with all of the orientation leaders this weekend for SROW (Southern Region Orientation Workshop). It should be an interesting conference. There have been at least 10 different people who have described the conference as "cheerleading camp on crack."

I also found out I will be interning at a Greek conference in San Francisco later this month!

This semester has been going well...but busy. The best word to describe it is busy. Until next time (whenever that may be), have a good one.